The relationships that we have are at the very core of our lives. That's why maintaining harmonious and healthy relationships with the surrounding people is important.
One thing that can ruin your relationship and, in some cases, extinguish it is anger. Anger itself is not an issue; all of us get angry sometimes. It's only natural; we are humans in the end. However, having problems controlling anger is an issue, and a serious one at that.
In this blog, I will share with you some effective techniques that you can harness to control your temper in a relationship and prevent anger from ruining your relationships.
20% have ended a relationship with someone because of anger.
1. Understand The Source of Anger
We are different human beings with unique experiences and different lives. Everyone's anger is different, and so is the root cause of that anger.
To solve any issue, you need to understand its root cause at the beginning, and so is the case with anger. The first step that you need to take is to get to the root cause and understand it.
Here are some tips that can help you understand your anger better:
1. Identifying Triggers
Temper is always triggered by something. Identifying your triggers can help you a great deal in understanding your anger and managing it later on. A trigger can be stress or a certain behavior of your partner; it can be anything. Next time you have an anger episode, observe what triggers it.
2. Understand Your Feelings and Emotions
usually anger is a secondary emotion to other emotions like hurt, frustration, fear, and disappointment. Understanding your primary emotions is essential; that way, you can address the reasons behind the anger itself rather than simply trying to control it.
3. Reflecting on Experiences
Sometimes the experiences and traumas of our past affect us in many ways, including our temper. I'm one of the living examples of that; I suffered with temper control issues for a long time and still do to some extent.
My anger is related to my past, as I grew up in a house in which I felt I needed to shout and scream to be heard. Identifying this and acknowledging it helps me to control my anger better. I tell myself that I need to calm down; I don't really need to lose it to be heard, on the contrary, and that really helps me.
Reflect on your past and find out if it affects your temper and how it affects it.
Effective Strategies to Control Your Temper
1. Pause and Breathe
When we get angry, we usually feel it boil before it erupts and explodes. When you feel that anger boiling in your chest, whatever you are doing or saying, just stop, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. If you need more than one deep breath, then exhale slowly¹.
If it's necessary, take another breath and another until you feel that you are calmer, relaxed, and capable of talking without letting your anger control you.
Yup, run. Another method that can help you calm down before you hurt the other person and say or do things that you will regret is that when you start getting angry, you drop everything and go for a run. That might sound cowardly to you, but in fact, if you look at it from another perspective, you are merely trying to protect the other from getting unnecessarily hurt. You can explain to them that this is your method of dealing with temper.
3. Listen to your partner
One method that I found truly helpful is that I try to listen as much as I can before I say my bit. Conflicts between partners usually escalate because one or both of them feel unheard and misunderstood. This leads to both of them shouting over each other without any of them actually hearing what the other has to say.
Here are some tips that might help you:
1. Sit down with your partner
Allow them to talk until they finish what they have to say.
Some people allow others to talk just so they can have a turn. Don't do that; actually, listen. To avoid making your partner feel that you are eager for them to finish, genuinely listen to them.
Show them that you are listening through silent interactions. Nod, make eye contact, and hold their hand if they get emotional.
If there is something they said and you feel you don't understand it, ask them, “Do you mean...“.
2. Seek Common Ground
Most of the time, during conflicts, we are eager to throw blame at the other partner. But instead of thinking that way, instead of placing blame, you and your partner can try to find common ground instead.
Finding a common ground will help both of you feel better understood.
3. Remember that anger will hinder you from expressing your feelings
I can't stress how important this is. If you want the situation to be resolved, you need to express your feelings effectively, and in order to do that, you need to be calm. Take a breath and then try to be as articulate as possible in expressing your feelings.
Long-Term Strategies for Managing Anger
1. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is important for managing conditions like anger and stress. You can be mindful by paying attention to the current moment instead of jumping to conclusions.
2. Exercise and Workout
Regularly exercise and workout, and I say regularly, as you should try to think of it as a part of your daily life. It doesn't matter if it's running, walking, or dancing; any physical activity is good, even if it's for only 10 minutes daily².
Exercise releases endorphins; it can alleviate your mood and reduce your feelings of frustration and anger.
3. Maintain a healthy lifestyle
Imagine that you have barely slept, then a conflict arises. Would you really be able to manage your anger? On the contrary, you will be even more irritable and on your nerves.
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is important for the long-term management of anger. Getting enough quality sleep, eating a balanced, healthy diet, and staying hydrated are important for your emotional well-being.
4. Develop Problem-solving Skills
Break down every problem and conflict that you face into smaller steps; that way, you can manage it better. Also, look for every solution and consider its pros and cons, then discuss those solutions with your partner.
5. Seek Professional Help
If you feel you tried everything but still can't control your temper and there is no improvement whatsoever, then you can seek professional help³.
Seeking the assistance of a therapist can help you a great deal in overcoming your anger issues. A specialist would know what points to address and what techniques would work better for you.
FAQ:
Q. Why is controlling your temper important in a relationship?
A. Controlling your temper is of utmost importance to the success of any relationship you have, especially your relationship with your significant other. This is because temper hinders understanding and effective communication.
Q. What are some common triggers for anger in relationships?
A. Common triggers include feeling unheard, disrespected, or misunderstood; unresolved past issues; unmet needs; and external stressors like work pressure or financial problems. Identifying what your triggers are is the first step in controlling anger.
Q. How can I calm down quickly during a conflict?
A. To calm down, practice the pause and breathe technique. In this technique, you just pause, take a deep breath, and then exhale slowly. This can help you calm down and control your temper.
Q. How can mindfulness help in managing anger?
A. Mindfulness increases self-awareness, which can help you regulate your emotions. Regular practice might help you stay calm and centered, making it easier for you to manage your anger during conflicts.
Q. Why is it important to practice active listening in a relationship?
A. Active listening ensures that your partner feels heard and understood. As much as you want to be heard and understood, your partner wants the same. Giving them a chance to express their view will reduce the likelihood of misunderstanding.
Q. How can exercise help with anger management?
A. Exercise releases endorphins, which regulate your mood and reduce feelings of anger and frustration.
Q. What should I do if I struggle to control my temper despite these strategies?
A. If you keep on struggling with controlling your anger despite all your efforts, looking for a professional help from a therapist can be good for yoi.
Takeaway
Anger is a normal human reaction, and sometimes an even healthy one at that. But when anger becomes unmanageable, it turns into a threat to you and your relationship. One that needs to be addressed.
Managing anger is hard, but by all means, it's not impossible. There are certain techniques, like pause and breathe, mindfulness, and listening, that can help you control your temper and improve your relationships.
Consulting a specialist is always an option if you find yourself incapable of managing anger despite everything.
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